Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Side effects

As some of you know by reading my blog that I've had some horrible experiences with side effects with my meds.

I had a meeting with a consultant psychiatrist who has given me a great medication that's now counteracting the horrible side effects of haloperidol.  It's called procyclidine

I can now type properly. Hold a good conversation with my family and just feel generally calmer.

I cannot tell you in words how much better I feel already and I'm only one dose in.

Today started off being a terrible day but I'm finishing the day on a better note.

Finally really starting to get the old Rachael back which is what I've wanted since leaving hospital.

It's going to be ok now in my own mind and my own body I now feel like I can just carry on being this way as this is what a normal day for me should feel like.

Monday, April 15, 2019

A bad day with bipolar

So I'm having a bad day with side effects from the medication they've got me on for the bipolar.

I've been out today on my own to a meeting at the job centre to sort out a claim for universal credit.

It took all the strength I had just to walk through the door. But I managed it by myself.

I've got another meeting tomorrow with my care coordinator and mental health team.

Today is just a bump in the road. I'll be resting up the rest of today.

Sunday, April 14, 2019

Housework

So I now know I'm getting my life back. I'm able to do a little light housework on a daily basis.

Finally getting my life back after having a husband who wouldn't allow me to do much around the house due to pain and fatigue.

I do miss him as a friend but realise now how much of my independence had gone.

Giving up work was the best thing I have done for my quality of life. I now have more energy to just do day to day tasks. Even if it's only just putting the Hoover around or doing the dishes.

My bipolar seems to be under control with the new medications.

Saturday, April 13, 2019

Another Normal feeling day with my bipolar

So finally the new tablets are really beginning to work.

I like feeling Normal for a change.

Those of you without bipolar or a chronic disease wouldn't really understand how good it is to just feel like you're having a normal day.

I will keep up these posts and video diaries because it keeps me positive and aware that I can have normal days like everyone else.

That's it for today

Friday, April 12, 2019

Another normal day with bipolar

So today I decided to have a ME day.

I've cleaned the bathroom which may not sound alot but with my pain levels and the Ehlers danlos just getting out of bed some days is an achievement.

The new tablets they've given me to counteract the side effects of the haloperidol seem to be working.

So heres to hoping I can do a little more tomorrow but I'm not going to punish myself if I cant do too much at once. I will get this flat straight with help from my family and friends.

Heres hoping for another normal feeling day tomorrow. The more I have the more I'm convinced I can have a normal kind of life again.

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Flashbacks of bipolar mania

Went to a bipolar class today and met some other people local to me who have bipolar.

It's interesting how similar our manic episodes actually are.

I felt like I was in some reality TV show where someone had reprogrammed my brain somehow.

I also had posted a video on Facebook thinking I was in my own zombie apocalypse. That's when I knew I really needed help from the professionals.

I look back on it now and laugh but at the time it was so real to me and must have been scary for my friends and family around me.

I'm going to be going to a local support group next month.

Until then I'm going to research my condition as much as I can in the hope that one day I might be able to become an advocate for others with the disorder.

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

An ok day with bipolar

So today is the first day in a few months where I've felt Normal.

Having an ok day is actually a good thing.

I'm neither up nor down.

I hope to have many more days like today when I just have an OK day

Monday, April 8, 2019

Historical Sexual abuse case

So I cant seem to find my original post about my families traumatic past.

Let me first say this My family and I have mended our bridges and are now reunited after my last hospitalisation.

30 years ago my parents made a selfless decision to give a home to a troubled young man.

Now what they didnt know was he was a known predator and social services were completely aware of this particular young mans past.

For a number of years he stayed with my family. Unfortunately he turned his attentions to my sister and I.

Unfortunately he was a sexual predator and raped and abused myself and my little sister.

This has led to me having a very turbulent mental health situation throughout my teenage and adult years.

He was removed from our house as my sister had alerted my parents to what he had been doing. Because my parents thought we had been through enough they chose not to have us examined by a police surgeon.

This decision left us in a position that social services just dropped my family with absolutely no support and 2 severely traumatised children.

30 years on I took part in an independant enquiry in to social service failings. I get a phone call from the police who are now 30 years on conducting the enquiry that should have happened then.

The only thing is now social services are being difficult with coming up with the records. But I will not let this stop me. Because once the criminal side has been dealt with I fully intend to take a civil case out against them.

So that's where the case is up to at the moment

Good day today with Bipolar

So today has been a more productive day. I've been out for an early breakfast in the park.

I went to a very close family friends for a coffee and catch up. Held her beautiful snakes.

We then went to lunch in town and did a bit of shopping.
I've decided to do a vlog alongside this blog now.

I'm now resting with my beautiful cats on the sofa watching TV shows thinking that a take away would be nice for tea.

Just got to take each day as it comes from now on.

But today's been a good day

Sunday, April 7, 2019

Living with Bipolar

So I thought I would feel better having a diagnosis. But I'm a ball of knotted up emotions.

Scared that family or friends can section me at any minute not that I think they would unless they had good reason to.

Crisis team came to visit today and I got tearful. Scared of the future. Suddenly feeling so alone as no one I know has bipolar.

I know I shouldnt be scared but being in a mental hospital does that to you.

One day at a time and one battle at a time.

Getting back to some kind of normal life is first on my agenda. Spending time with friends and family.

Friday, April 5, 2019

Home for good

So I've been formally discharged from hospital.

I cant believe the difference in treatment. One unit had no idea what was wrong with me and treated me so badly I'm still hurting even now.

This other hospital treated me with dignity and finally gave me a diagnosis. Bipolar spectrum disorder.

Something I've more than likely had since I was a teenager.

I've never felt better in years but taking each day slowly so I dont relapse.

I still cant believe that mental health in the UK is still treated so badly and such a shortage of beds in the country.

I'm still waiting to hear about my historical abuse case but once the criminal case has concluded I fully intend to bring a civil case against social services as the abuse has been the biggest contributor to my bipolar spectrum disorder.

Today has been a good day. Just one day at a time so far.

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Home on leave

So I'm home on leave from hospital finally.

Got to see my precious cats and to find out I've lost my job.

Not a huge surprise as two admissions to mental health hospitals in the past two months kind of makes you a little unreliable.

Doesn't matter that I work for a disability charity and given nearly 20 years of my life to caring for those with learning disabilities and complex mental health issues.

Also the fact that my boss thought a hot kitchen was a safe environment for a known epileptic to work was a tad short sighted.

I have highlighted and blown the whistle on failures in the care system. Especially with in mental health and the severely poor treatment I received in a British Mental Health Facility in the UK where my physical needs were totally disregarded by those in charge of my care.

I will be fully discharged from the service yet again but at least this time I was actually treated with the respect and dignity I deserved this time.

The UK social care as a whole is a complete and utter shambles and feel it necessary to keep bringing it up till it changes