Learning to love myself and loving the town I live in.

So today I decided to take a leap of faith and go to the seafront in Weston-Super-Mare.

I was reticent at first but meeting people and just saying hello and chatting was a fantastic boost to my confidence.

I'm making new memories all the time. I wont forget my past but what I can do is use it to drive me forward.

My past is giving me the strength to fight even harder.

I will never stay silent. People will challenge my resolve but that's ok. That speaks volumes about their own insecurities in life not mine.

Everyday is a fight for me. Fighting the physical pain and pushing myself a bit further every day.

I'm determined I will never lose my independence again. But now know when to ask for help.

That's the daily fight all of us have. Knowing when to ask and accept help when its offered to us. We need to be cautious of course because if they're a stranger to you and they are very forward and pushing the help on you we have to question their agenda.

Be kind to yourself. Others will follow your example. I have proven this by using social media to throw light on to subjects that we find distasteful or that makes us angry.

I have people daily say I'm a beautiful kind soul. And that means more to me than any song lyrics or piece of art could ever do.

Live your truth and you become a beacon to others.

Positive Steps

Today I've seen my brother. Someone I met whilst in hospital. He is doing so well and I'm so proud of him.

I've been to see my social worker who is really pleased with my progress. But has reminded me to be kind to myself.

I'm still learning what I can and cannot do.

The anger I had for my family has turned in to sadness. Sadness that they've listened to an abusive man and not their own daughter. Ive said some horrible things but so have they.

I do hope that they find it in their hearts to really listen to me and understand that our family is so badly broken.

I will never give up hope. They're my family. But until they accept help then we cannot have a relationship.

For now I'm enjoying being single again. Enjoying the freedom to choose what I want to do.

I've started legal investigations in to the care I received in hospital. I hope that by sharing my experience that others will benefit from it.

Small steps lead to giant leaps. People who know me say how well I'm looking which is a huge boost to my confidence.

I know I'm living my truth. The path isn't easy and sometimes we have to do it alone. But I have faith in myself. Faith in the fact I'm doing what's best for me.

Gaining back control.

So for the first time in 13 years I'm getting control back of my own future.

I'm making great friends all the time on Facebook and using it for what I consider is the right thing.

Raising awareness and supporting our friends and family.

I am also using this platform to promote my friends small businesses. Hoping that they will expand and become successful.

I'm hoping that by doing this we can take control away from big business and banks.

I think it's disgusting that banks charge you to put your own money in an account.

The charges are extortionate at times. I'm going to be switching from my bank. I'm also going on price comparison sites to shop around and save money.

The only way big business and government representatives are going to learn is by us taking back control from them.

I am not afraid of the authorities as I've done nothing illegal. Calling out these businesses is very important. As consumers we have the power not them.

Myself and my friend singing at Asylum 16 Supernatural convention

https://youtu.be/kviLfh6dz_Y

Domestic abuse

Now most of us are outraged about domestic violence.

But how many people are outraged by psychological abuse?

I suffered for 13 years at the hands of someone who I thought loved me and I changed my life to suit him.

Why did I do this?

Low self esteem. Being bullied. Being sexually abused.

I found out a month before we were married that he had been unfaithful online.

Did he physically cheat? No he did far worse. He made me question my on sanity.

I listened to people telling me he was such a good man dont push him away.

Now the reverse its what's true. He never deserved to have me in his life.

Does it hurt? All the time.

I've lost my family because of his actions.

But on the positive side. I'm free. Free to be the person people love and want to be around.

To me that's the greatest thing to come out of my life. Other human beings and their stories.

Positivity through social media

Now as you are aware my family sectioned me because of my use of social media.

Well today has been the turning point for me.

I've finally started telling local people who know me what my family did to me.

I told my neighbour. My landlord and a lady in my local shop. These people asked how I was feeling after my recent hospital stay.

Well to see the sheer look of disgust in their eyes has validated for me that I'm doing the right thing.

I'm fighting and fighting hard. But I'm not alone anymore. I'm gaining support via Twitter very quickly.

I just hope that supporting each other we can exert more pressure on the system to actually effect change.

A poem I wrote when I was in a dark place!!

My poetry. I wrote this before my ex boyfriend took his own life. We wanted to set this to music. But never had the time. 😭

The Dream
  
All alone I sit wondering when my life will change.Endless circles, it all seems strange. I hope for a ray of light to take me out of the dark. Along came you and it all begins to start.

Buts its a dream a figment of my imagination. Still I hope that you will come and give me the spark or ignition. To light a fire to burn inside for eternity. But all thats here in the dark is me.

All alone I stand watching the world pass by my window. Wondering where you are, listening to the wind blow. Your perfect in every way but your still a dream. But maybe if I pray enough one day you will be seen.

All alone I walk along a stream and your still in my thoughts. I stop a while and look and suddenly my heart beat stops. There you are my angel, my guide, my soul mate. All the darkness the lonliness has stopped and finally I am awake.