Realisation

I've been out to my local park again today.

I stopped and talked to a wonderful man. He told me about all his travels and his past and his family.

We spoke for about 20 minutes or so. Shook hands and went on with our day.

Now the one thing I've realised is this. I've turned in to the one person I've despised these past few years. My mother. I've allowed my family to baby me. To try and wrap me up in cotton wool. To smother me with their Hope's and dreams for me.

I love Weston-Super-Mare it's my home and I have so many wonderful friends here.

But I need a break from home. I need to travel on my own. I've done it before and long so much to have those good times again. Exploring the world by myself. Then share those experiences with friends and family.

But I have to do it in a sensible manner. Taking in to account my physical disability. My physical health and my mental health.

I will get there and I've got so much time ahead of me. My new friend from the park reminded me that I'm still young enough to spread my wings and fly as far as my dreams will take me.

The only regret I have is I've allowed my mother to stop me.

It's not her fault. My grandparents made her so dependent on them. That's why shes never really grieved for them and moved on.

It's truly sad to see her give up on her Hope's and dreams because her parents are no longer here.

Mine are and this is my opportunity to show them properly what their daughter is truly capable of. Great things. And on the flipside so angry at what shes had to endure through her life and still has to endure.

However I know they're truly proud. I've seen the pride when they've seen me work as a bluecoat in Norfolk. And every time I've had a solo at a concert.  I know they admire me. They just need to really show me. Not lock me away from the world so I cant fly high.

I dont doubt for one minute they love me. But what they did out of love has hurt me so deeply that they need to win back my trust.

The same goes for my sister. And the man I adore and always have done.

All I can do is live in hope. Live in hope that my family want to win my trust back in them.