Thursday, February 7, 2019

So a fresh start

Ok well some of you may have read my last blog about my mental health and disability. Well alot has happened. So let me take you back to the beginning.

At 9 years old my wonderful parents did a selfless thing and offered a child a loving home. Unfortunately he was very troubled. He was a sexual predator. He preyed upon myself and my little sister in ways you can only imagine.

My little sister of 6 years old spoke out to my mother. Well as you can imagine this caused so much upheaval for all of us. Social services removed him immediately as he admitted to the abuse. Social services wanted my parents to consent to us being examined by a police surgeon but my parents felt that we had been through enough. Social services then left us high and dry. It was later disclosed that there had been allegations that he had done this before.

Skip forward a few years. At age 11 I received child counselling which was not very helpful for me as I was unwilling to engage and open up.

I was severely bullied at school and opened up to a friend about what truly happened to me. The next day I went to school everyone knew. I was called a whore a cock tease and many other things. The worst thing was someone told me I deserved it and I should die.

This led eventually to me taking an overdose at 13. I was put in a unit and so called experts told my family I was an attention seeker.

I returned to school where people who taunted me suddenly apologised to me. It was too little too late.

I left school and tried to carry on with my life knowing that at age 9 I was raped.

Fast forward 12 years and I met my husband. I finally faced my fears and had a year of sexual abuse counselling which helped me to come to terms and grieve for my lost childhood.

A few months ago at the age of 39 I found a public enquiry that was looking in to failings in the social services in the UK.

I wrote them an account of what happened and the police have started an investigation.

My parents however are not keen on the idea of opening up old wounds. Myself on the other hand needs to have closure. The investigation is on going at this time.

Now as you can imagine this has taken a very big toll on my mental health for which I have saught therapy and CBT which has given me the tools to cope.

Now recently in the past few weeks I got very heavily in to world politics and was very disturbed to find that Neoliberalism was happening right in front of our eyes yet no one connected the dots. I did and took to Twitter and Facebook to open people's eyes to what's truly been happening.

My family decided that I've lost the plot by warning them what I had done.

So they enlisted a mental health crisis team who with my families support sectioned me.

I was removed from my home and dragged to Swindon for assessment. Following that I was moved to the Long Fox unit for observation.

I was so scared I tried to escape twice but was dragged by my arms back to my room. Now these people had no idea about my physical health and disability and completely ignored my requests for them to look in to it.

I became very vocal and for my troubles I had six nurses using pressure point pain techniques to pin me down and heavily sedate me for 24 hours to keep me quiet.

My own family are still against me. Saying they did it out of love. I strongly disagree. Their motives are still not clear. I'm living every day in fear because of their actions.

Thankfully I had the help of a great advocate who gave me the strength to challenge my section which was overturned without a tribunal.

I am now home but none of the people in my immediate family trust me or want to actually re engage with me.

My own mother is so mentally disturbed and deluded herself that she thinks I'm the problem.

So to end this post I will say this Just have faith in yourself. Don't listen to family. Or even some experts. I've been treated as a condition not a whole person. This has to stop as it's very barbaric and actually borderline discrimination of my disabled rights and human rights.

The system is not fit for purpose and the laws and NHS and social services has to change quickly. I was hurt badly in hospital and was in pain for days.

I had to beg for my strong pain relief and actually just gave up asking for help.

My husband initially ignored me and we are just reconnecting now. Our relationship will never be the same as the trust I had in him has gone.

I wont ever trust my close family either as they were complicit in all that's happened to me.

We all have a choice. Stand up and fight. Use your voice. Protest etc. Or we can be cowards like my family and lock away the trouble maker.

I will not tolerate this from anyone anymore!!

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